> Kicking the Past in the Behind

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Kicking the Past in the Behind

I raise my hand and admit, I Pam Thomas was a blamer and past dweller. Yep, that’s right; I used to blame everything that went wrong in my life on things that happened in my past. If I was having a crappy day it had to be because Auntie So-and-So looked at me sideways when I was five. If I wanted to do something, but was scared to try, it surely had to be because my best friend called me “fat” when I was 13.

Then it happened.

I was sat on the floor of my apartment with my fiancé (now ex-husband) bitching and moaning about something not going right. As I recall it, I was actually placing blame on my parents for something they said or did when I was a teenager. Then all of the sudden my fiancé looked at me and asked, “Pam, are you an adult?” “Yes,” I said. To which he replied, “Then when are you going to start taking responsibility for your own actions?”

Wow! That was just the 2x4 I needed to dislodge my head from my posterior, to knock me sideways, and force me into the land of the present. You mean I have a choice? You mean I don’t have to stay stuck in the past?

Fast forward to today. I am here to tell you that it is quite a relief to release the past. (Besides it really sucks carrying around tons of past wounds, etc…. not to mention rather heavy.) It is empowering to know that I have choices. I can choose to respond to certain situations any way I wish. It’s my choice and no body else’s.

Let me ask you; is there something from your past that is holding you back? Is there something from your past that is causing you great pain?

If the answer is “yes”, then let me ask you this, how is holding on to whatever is holding you back (or hurting you) supporting you in the here and the now?

If you’re ready to let go and put the past behind you here are few things to try:

Write a “let it rip” letter to anyone who has hurt you. Get it all out. Then rip the letter to shreds or burn it.

Look for any good things that you can take away from a past experience. Anything beneficial that could be used to support you.

Talk with someone you trust and brainstorm ways in which you can get clear of the past.

Be aware. When you feel yourself tapping into past hurt or blaming past experiences, stop and remember, you have choices.

Here’s to kicking the past in the behind. Here’s to your forward movement and the awesome choices YOU get to make.

Posted by Pam at 3:00:24 PM in Creating Change (93) | Permalink | Comments (6)

Comments

Great advice! I'd let it rip on someone by email and regretted sending it, at first. The dialog/fight that ensued did us, however, a huge favor! Since it let little things buried inside come out like fireworks and clear the way for both of us to bury them move on. Buried completely? Don't know.
Although that can perhaps only work when both are willing, caring, and loving of each other. If you love someone deeply, passionate arguments and fights are normal tend to be healthy. But, again...only if each considers the other a true friend. Would you agree?

Posted by Emon on 16/09/2007

Thank you, Emon!

I am so glad you were able to clear the way. :)That took a lot of courage.

I must admit, I am not big into fights, probably because I saw too much fighting growing up. However, I am a firm supporter of people constructively sharing how they feel. Even if the other person is not as receptive, if it is important to share, there is a way to do so in order to move forward without destroying either person in the process.

Thank you for sharing, Emon and for your question.

Posted by Pam on 16/09/2007

Woohoo! Another great post, Pam, and a great reminder for me. I haven't set anything on fire in a while :) so I will be mindful of anything that comes up that I need to clear out.

All of your suggestions are wonderful. Thanks for sharing them.

Hugs,

Lynne

Posted by Lynne on 17/09/2007

Lynne, thank you so much! Here's to clearing out and making space for the good stuff!! You know it's never too early for spring cleaning. ;)

Posted by Pam on 17/09/2007

I like your suggestion to write to someone and then tear up the letter. The latter part of what you wrote is the most important part to me(cos otherwise you'll probably only end up resurrecting that past hurt). But sometimes, when a person's hurting, this advice seems almost impossible to accept and then it seems only the grace of a Divine power can help the person understand and accept that an adult has all the freedom to chose their lives and their feelings.

Posted by hillgrandmom on 18/09/2007

Hillgrandmom, thank you! I know it is sometimes very difficult to let go of hurt feelings. Everyone is so different when it comes to letting go and it is important to acknowledge that and to know that there is no right or wrong way to let go. It is often a matter of giving a few things a try, but most importantly, being kind and patient with ourselves.

Thank you so much for sharing!! As always your thoughts are greatly appreciated.

Posted by Pam on 18/09/2007